


sweet hibiscus tea

by daddyfinch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Family Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, also his parents are booty, also some food and body imaging issues, anxiety and depression things, college aged tsukki and yams, i definitely did not base his family's dynamics off of my own, kei is emo :(, majorish/minor character injury, rated mature for emo not for smut, this is a self indulgent i project all of my problems onto the main character fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:01:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyfinch/pseuds/daddyfinch
Summary: Kei's life has been completely derailed. It's the spring of his second year of college in Tokyo, and he is so looking forward to summer vacation. But just as he was beginning to relax after the stress of the school year, everything goes to shit. His boyfriend breaks up with him, he drunkenly injures himself, and now he has to spend his precious summer months recovering in his own personal hell on earth: home. Visiting the place he never wanted to return to and living with the people that caused most of the anguish of his younger years, makes Kei acutely aware of every reason he wanted to leave in the first place, but when Kei reconnects with his estranged childhood best friend, he also remembers the good things he abandoned when he left.inspired by the song 'Sweet Hibiscus Tea' by Penelope Scott
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. the clavicle detaches

**Author's Note:**

> hello lovelies! just a quick note: kei gets injured in this chapter (although it's not very graphic) but if you dont want to read that stop at 'his head was pointed towards the ground' and ctrl-f to 'he heard his brother's frantic' that's it, happy reading!

Absolutely fucking great. That’s how things were going for Kei at the moment. Just peachy.

He lays on the bed in his brother’s guest room and glances around at the horrible beige walls and the plain undecorated room, now filled with equally ugly cardboard boxes filled with his stuff. It’s stupid. All of it is stupid and it sucks. All Kei wanted to do this summer was to relax and play volleyball with his boyfriend--well, now ex-boyfriend-- and now all of that which had seemed so real and attainable just a week ago, is completely and utterly destroyed.

It had all happened so suddenly. One second he was enjoying the company of his roommate-turned-boyfriend Kuroo, watching a movie about dinosaurs that Kei knew Kuroo didn’t really want to watch but agreed to anyway, and the next he was getting broken up with, getting told with an apologetic look that Kuroo didn’t love him anymore, that there was someone else, that they just didn’t work together, that he was sorry and that Kei can be mad. But Kei wasn’t mad, he did understand, he had expected this from the beginning since he never seemed to be good enough to be a keeper, and in that moment he thought it didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would.

“Okay, I understand. I’ll pack up my stuff and be out of your way.”

“You don’t have to, Kei. You can--”

“Don’t call me that.”

“O-Okay. I can help if you want it.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Kei got up from the couch and walked towards his room without sparing a glance back at Kuroo because in that moment he just wanted to be far far away. He had never felt smaller as he walked through the door to his bedroom, on his way to strip his life away from the walls, the bed, the closet, and quietly leave as though he never even existed. _It’s better this way_ , he thought. The voice that lived in the back of his mind responded, _**Of course it’s better this way. You’ve been weighing him down since you first met him. He probably hates you now.**_

_Yeah, probably._

He texted his brother to help him move his stuff the next day--he didn’t trust his voice to hold out for an entire phone call--no explanation, just a simple request. Akiteru answered in seconds, “I’ll be there at 10.”

As Kei took down posters and removed his books from the shelves, it began to really sink in: he had just been broken up with. The man that he had been with for almost a year, the man that he played volleyball with and saw everyday, had left him--left him for someone else. Of course Kuroo would want someone else, they were doomed from the start; Kuroo was easy going and not equipped to handle the emotional baggage that Kei carried with him, so their relationship had always been a bit shallow, but it was enough, at least that’s what Kei had thought.

Kei had never been good enough, he knew that, but he hadn’t expected Kuroo to let it go on for this long, to make him think that he actually had a shot, that he had actually found someone who could love his broken self, all just to pull it out from under him for just the reason he had feared. Of course Kei hadn’t been good enough for the man who was able to be a starting middle blocker when he never could. Of course he wasn’t a good enough boyfriend, just like how he wasn’t a good enough son. Suddenly, Kei was mad, but not at Kuroo, at himself for being so stupid and falling in love with someone even though he knew that no one could really ever love him; he had told himself that time and time again but the lesson never really seemed to sink in. He felt hot tears rolling down his face and flopped back onto his bed, cursing under his breath for ever thinking he was good enough for love.

He fell asleep like that and vowed to himself that he would learn this time and never make this mistake again.

***

The next day, Akiteru showed up with a truck and some boxes and they got to work. It only took them a few hours to pack everything up in silence and carry it down to the waiting truck--only a few hours to completely erase any trace of Kei from the apartment that he and Kuroo had shared for two years, from Kuroo’s life. Kuroo made himself scarce during the whole painstaking process and only showed his face to take Kei’s key and say a short and awkward goodbye.

The brothers drove in silence to Akiteru’s nearby apartment and Kei noticed every worried glance that his brother gave him during the car ride, 14 times in total.  
When they arrived, they began the even worse process of unloading everything into the compact apartment. Akiteru had one guest room to spare, and it seemed like he had never stepped foot in it. It was dusty and barren, it seemed so bleak that Kei thought even the most resilient creature would shrivel up and die if it tried to inhabit the awful room for more than a couple days--and even then Kei wasn't sure if it could even make it that long.

“Do you want to start unpacking your stuff? I think I left the box cutter in the kitchen.”

“No, that’s fine. I won’t be here very long, it will be a waste of time.”

“Kei, you know you can stay for as long as you need to, I don’t mind.”

“I only need a few weeks to find a new place. I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

“I’m glad that you’re here, Kei. It’s really not a big deal.”

“I know.”

By the time everything was settled, it was almost 7 in the evening and Akiteru suggested that they get something to eat, maybe even have a drink or two. Kei wasn’t really in the mood but his brother was still stealing anxious glances at him and he decided to get out for a little bit, just for Akiteru’s sake.

They walked to a nearby ramen shop and settled into a booth, sitting across from each other in the dimly-lit corner.

“So, what exactly happened with you and Kuroo?”

“He broke up with me.” Akiteru raised his eyebrows.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“So, he kicked you out for what,” he gestured in the air looking for words, “no reason?”

“He didn’t kick me out, I left. And I just wasn’t good enough for him, there’s someone else better.”

At these words, Akiteru’s face softened into a look of sympathy. “Kei...I’m sorry.”

“Why? It’s fine, it was expected. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? I mean you’ve been roommates since your first year and you were dating for, what, almost a year? Kei, I know this can’t be easy for you--I mean, not just this but everything--look, I just want you to know that you can talk to me about it. I’m here for you.”

“I said I’m fine.” Kei turned his gaze down to the table, picking at the worn coating on the wood with his fingernail. And as much as Kei kept trying to convince himself, and his brother, that he really was okay, he still felt a bit of hurt bubbling up in his gut, and everytime he felt it climbing up his throat, threatening to spill out, he would wash it down again with another shot, another sip of beer, another round of sake.

At some point--Kei didn’t really care about keeping track of his position in time and space after the first few drinks-- the brothers had migrated to a bar down the street, although Kei was uninterested in anything going on around him except for the drinks that kept appearing in front of him, not caring whether they were ordered by him or bought for him by attractive strangers; first there was a fruity cocktail, then a beer, then some blueish-green drink that was suspiciously sweet. So, by the time 10 o’clock rolled around, Kei was a little bit hammered. Okay, more than a little bit, but he would never tell his brother that, who, by the way, would not stop giving him the strangest looks that seemed sad? Scared? Kei didn’t really know, and at that moment he didn’t really care.

Eventually, he felt himself being ushered out of the bar by his brother, and into the cool air of the spring night. He vaguely registered his brother’s voice next to him saying something about heading back to his place because it was getting late and Kei seemed a bit drunk. However, something much more interesting had been brought to Kei’s attention. Just across the street, there was a park. Not just an open green field with some trees and a pond, but a real park with a playground, just like the one Kei used to play on as a child.

The sight brought back many memories of him swinging in silence by himself and climbing up all the trees to watch the birds or inspect the various leaves and seeds. It brought back a memory of Kei arriving at the park after school and seeing a group of boys surrounding something and laughing. As he came closer he saw that they were standing around a small boy and he was crying. The boy was crying. Kei saw this and he knew, he knew why that boy was crying and exactly what he was feeling, he knew what it was like to be picked on by someone bigger and older and stronger than him and to wish that someone just as big and strong would stop them, he knew what is was like to be that boy. So, he did what was never done for him, and he gained a lifelong friend--well, Kei wasn’t sure anymore if their friendship would last their lifetime because it hadn’t even withstood the trials and tribulations of college and adult life. Suddenly, Kei thought it would be really nice to swing on the swings again, to fly through the cool night air.

“Let’s go to the park first, then home.” Akiteru fixed him with a quizzical glance but agreed anyway.

They walked through the night in silence, occasionally glancing up the stars, or in Kei’s case, just focusing on walking in a straight line and not falling over. When they finally reached their destination, Kei went straight for the swings and chose the seat that was the highest off the ground. His brother sat next to him and watched as he pumped his legs and climbed higher and higher into the air.

“You used to love the swings when you were a kid,” Akiteru said.

“Yeah.”

“You used to swing alone, all by yourself, but you met Tadashi and then…” Akiteru trailed off, reminiscing on the scenes of Kei’s childhood. Kei broke the silence.

“Do you remember how people used to try to swing so high that they flipped over the bar? I don’t think anyone ever did, though. I wonder if I could now.” Akiteru snorted.

“I doubt it, but if anyone could, it would be you. What, with those long powerful legs,” he teased.

Kei nodded silently, intent on his mission of defying gravity and several other laws of physics. He watched the world get further and then come rushing back all at once. He felt a slight breeze on his face causing chills to run up his spine. He heard cars passing by on the nearby street, sometimes honking and sometimes blaring music with the window down. He was aware that he was getting higher and higher and at the top of his swing it felt like gravity had forgotten about him for a split second before rapidly pulling on him again.

Before it happened, Kei thought he heard his brother telling him to not go so high and slow down so they could go home, but Kei didn’t listen. He pumped again and again, harder and harder, until he felt like he was truly flying, floating in the air without any earthly connections. He felt himself leave the seat of the swing, let go of the chains and felt peace for the first time in many many years.

Then the world remembered him, gravity remembered, and he was falling, plummeting down, down, down. His head was pointed towards the ground, hanging in the air several feet above the thick metal crossbar of the swing set. He thrashed in the air to avoid a skull-metal collision and felt his left shoulder hit the beam with the full force of gravity behind it, he heard a squishy crunch and a pop. He felt his body moving, reacting, deforming around the cold metal and then he was twisting in the air, falling again, reaching towards the ground behind him trying to break his fall. And then he hit the ground and his breath abruptly left his lungs and his head felt light and his arm felt...what did his arm feel?

His left arm felt numb and wrong. He tried to move it, tried just to wiggle his fingers, but he couldn’t, and the pain was catching up to him. It wrapped around his arm and climbed up to his shoulder and it made him dizzy and tired and scared. He heard his brother’s frantic voice calling for him, but it felt so, so far away, and Kei couldn’t do anything but to fall back into the darkness, and slip away from consciousness.

***

Kei had fucked up his arm bad.

He had managed to dislocate his shoulder--in more directions than one--resulting in many torn tendons and ligaments and significant damage to his rotator cuff, cause a fracture in his clavicle close to his shoulder and a spiral fracture to his radius.

The doctors had done surgery to put everything back in place and repair the soft tissue damage, and now Kei’s entire left arm was essentially imobile for 2 to 3 months. They said that if he took it easy and completed physical therapy, he would probably be able to play volleyball again, but even then he would have to be extremely careful blocking and spiking with that arm. His coach had told him to take it easy for the time being, but he wouldn’t be allowed to play or even practice until he had made a full recovery. And to top it all off, Kei had to go home and live with his parents for the summer because Akiteru couldn’t take care of him while he was working and Kei was far from being able to do jack shit on his own.

Home was probably the last place Kei wanted to go, but he hardly had a choice at this point, and now he was waiting in his brother’s horrible beige room for his parents to come pick him up and imprison him for 3 months, starting with a grueling 5 hour car ride back to Miyagi.

So, yeah, things were going absolutely fucking great.


	2. all the posters are on their way to my hometown

Kei had been dreading his parents arrival all morning.

His stomach kept doing these weird backflips every time he thought about seeing his parents again, and whenever he took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves, his shoulder would shift and send sparks of pain throughout his nerves.

Kei sighs quietly. Despite the painkillers he had been prescribed, his arm still hurt like a bitch whenever he even thought about moving it, which wasn’t helped by the fact that it was his dominant hand and he hadn’t shaken the instinct to use it for everything quite yet. Well, he would have 2 to 3 months to relearn all of his motor skills with a new hand just like his mother had always wanted for him--not because she thought that being left handed was bad but because she had never really seen him try at anything because he always gave up and he never really worked hard. Kei had thought that maybe if he did become ambidextrous, then maybe his mother would stop laughing at him whenever he had trouble using can openers and other tools meant for right-handed people. Kei sighs again as he tries to get up from the couch as gently as possible but ends up jostling his shoulder and wincing from the infinitesimal forces on his joint.

He walks towards the kitchen to find his brother scarfing down pork and rice while scrolling through his phone. He lifts his head when he hears Kei entering the room.

“Hey, you hungry?” he tilts his head towards the fridge.

“Not really.” Akiteru shrugs and continues on.

“Kei, I know you don’t want to go back with our parents--believe me, it’s not what I wanted to happen, but... Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that if things get bad again, if you need to leave, call me right away and we’ll figure it out, I promise.” Kei nods.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I hope so...It might be nice for you to get out of the city for a little bit, though. Maybe you’ll even get to see some of your old friends--oh and say hi to Saeko for me if she’s in town, I haven’t seen her in a while.”

Kei nods again and they hear the doorbell ring followed by hurried knocking on the door. Kei stiffens up and mentally steels himself, preparing for his parents to whisk him away. Akiteru walks over and opens up the door to the two anxious faces of their parents.

“Where’s Kei?” Of course that’s the first thing out of his mother’s mouth, instead of, “Oh, hello son that I haven’t seen in almost a year.” Kei rolls his eyes as he listens to the conversation in the doorway.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Akiteru answers. Their father utters a quiet but warm greeting towards Akiteru, as he follows his wife into the apartment. Kei had found a seat at the small dining table and waited for the storm that is his mother to sweep in. As soon as she sees him, her face hardens and she marches over to the table.

“Kei, you stupid boy! How could you be so irresponsible? Going out and getting drunk? When I was in college, I never did anything like this! I’ve given you a good life and let you pursue volleyball, and this is what happens? What am I going to tell everyone? ‘Oh yeah, Kei was planning on going pro, but he might not be able to now because he's an idiot.’ How are you supposed to make money to support your father and I when we retire, hm? It’s not like you’re smart enough to get a real job. God, Kei, I just can’t even believe this! You should know better, especially being an athlete, what were you thinking? Oh, you know, I bet it was your brother’s bad influence. Well, I reckon it’s a good thing that we’re taking you home, far far away from all this.”

“Nice to see you too, mom.” Kei’s mind buzzes with a million thoughts about how much he didn’t miss his mother and her little tyrades, how much he wished he were a million miles away right now, and how much he wanted his brother or his father to say something, anything in his defense, but knowing that his mother had complete control over all of them.

She huffs a little bit and walks towards Kei and leans down to give him a tight squeeze. Her hug jostles his arm and irritates his shoulder for the millionth time that day and he clenches his teeth in pain, waiting for his mother to release him from her grip.

“Honey, you know I’m just saying all this because I love you, right? I just want the best for you, Kei.” Kei nods stiffly, tears beginning to sting at his eyes from the discomfort of his mother hanging off of him. Thank god for Akiteru, he thinks when his brother notices his face scrunching up in pain.

“Mom, maybe you should stop hugging him like that, his shoulder is really sensitive right now and it’s probably not a good idea to aggravate it more.”

“Hmph. Well I think I should be able to hug my own son, especially since I haven’t seen him in so long and he never wants to return my calls.” She glares hard at Kei, who avoids her eyes. It’s so much easier to look anywhere but in his mothers’ eyes. If he can’t see the emotions hidden in them, they must not exist.

Akiteru scowls and mutters something that sounds a lot like curses under his breath. He gives Kei a sympathetic look before asking if he’s okay and if he needs anything. Kei just shakes his head, wanting all of this to be over as soon as possible.

His father finally comes over to greet him with a warm smile and a kiss on the head.

“It’s good to see you, Kei. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, dad,” Kei replies with the smallest of smiles. He really had missed his dad. He was a good person, kind and always helped Kei when he needed it. He had introduced Kei to a lot of cool things as a kid and they always got along even though they didn’t always have the most in common. He had always been a good father to him and Akiteru, and Kei felt like his father actually meant it when he told them that he loved them.

His brother and father had started moving boxes down to the truck, leaving just Kei and his mother in the kitchen, which was the last thing Kei wanted to happen. He waits for his mother to start berating him again about how stupid he is, which he already knew, or how he’s a disappointing son, which he also already knew, but to his surprise, she’s surprisingly quiet, making herself some tea and offering some to Kei, who refuses.

She sits down across from him at the small dining table and looks at him for a long time, while he desperately looks anywhere but her face. He can tell that she wants to say something, though he has absolutely no idea what could come tumbling out of her mouth next, but she stays silent for a little while longer before speaking.

“So, how’s school been? Have you made any good friends?”

Kei grits his teeth and silently fumes. He hates it when his mom acts like everything’s fine even though she was yelling at him only minutes ago, he hates how she tries to be his friend and act nice like that’s going to fix everything. He hates this conversation and he’s so close to letting it all out and screaming in her face.

“It’s fine. Most of my friends are from volleyball, but they’re nice.”

“That’s nice, tell me about them.”

“Um, there’s Kuroo who’s--” Kei pauses, realizing what he just said but continues on anyway, deciding to omit the part about them dating and just having broken up, “he’s the starting middle blocker and he’s pretty cool, he’s nice.”

“He’s the starting middle blocker?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not?”

“Uh, no, but I still get to play sometimes.”

His mother sighs. “Well, at least you’re better than your brother.” The two of them sit in silence for a while as the other two members of the family whisk in and out of the apartment carrying the boxes of Kei’s things.

“They should be almost done loading your stuff, let’s head down, okay?”

Kei only nods in return and moves to get his bag for the car trip to Miyagi.

Before he knows it, Kei has already said goodbye to his brother and the safety of his apartment, and any hope for happiness in the next few months, and he now finds himself in the uncomfortable silence of the car with his parents.

 _This is going to be the longest car ride ever_ , Kei thinks. The little voice in the back of his head quips back. _**Well, it’s your own fault for being stupid and a burden on your brother. Maybe if you were just a better person, none of this would’ve happened.**_

 _You’re probably right_ , Kei answers back.


	3. it's 85 degrees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone say hi to yamaguchi :)

The first thing Kei does when he finally gets out of the car in Miyagi is take a walk. It’s warm outside and he doesn’t want to stick around and be useless, just watching his parents unpack everything since he can’t help at all, so he decides to refamiliarize himself with his old neighborhood.

The sun is shining on Kei’s face and he mentally slaps himself for not having the foresight to put on sunscreen. He’s definitely going to get burnt.

Kei pauses at a crosswalk then continues strolling along the familiar streets to nowhere in particular, when he decides to head towards the local Takesawa mart to get some sunscreen and maybe a snack.

_Man, I could really go for a meatbun right about now._

**_Of course you would want that, you fat pig._ **

_Would you just shut up?_

But Kei had already lost his appetite. It’s true that he wouldn’t be able to do much exercise while he was injured, so it probably wasn’t a bad idea to cut down on his food intake, just so he could be ready to work out again when the time came. He hadn’t really cared what he ate when he still played volleyball, because he would never gain any weight other than muscle mass, but now he was quite at risk of gaining some belly fat, which would most certainly not escape his mother’s notice and in turn, her ridicule.

Kei shakes his head as if it will clear the bad thoughts away like an Etch-a-Sketch.

_Maybe I’ll pass on the meatbun today._

***

Kei arrives at the small shop and pushes open the door, which chimes cheerfully, as he walks in. He breathes in the scent of the store that he hadn’t completely forgotten yet and starts to make his way down the aisles when he hears a voice from his past float across the room.

“Ts-Tsukki?”

Kei turns his head in surprise to see the freckled cashier looking at him with wide eyes. The brown-green flop of hair and the hesitant smile bring back a flood of memories to Kei all at once.

“Yamaguchi?” The cashier's face breaks out into a wide grin and he bounds over to Kei.

“Tsukki, it’s really you! You didn’t tell me you were gonna be in town! How’s college? Oh my god, what happened to your arm?!”

“Yamaguchi,” Kei breathes. Yamaguchi looks up at him and gives him a huge smile.

“Yup! It’s me Tsukki!”

“Uh, hi, it’s been a while. It’s good to see you.” Kei gives a small grin, but he feels tendrils of anxiety curling in his stomach. He probably doesn’t even want to see your face. You haven’t texted him in months and you didn’t even think to tell him that you were coming home. You’re a horrible friend, you should just leave now to save him the trouble. He’s better off without you.

“It’s good to see you too. So, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to get sunscreen.”

“No, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi giggles. “I mean what are you doing in town?”

“Oh, well, I have to stay with my parents for the summer cause,” Kei gestures at his injured arm, “it’s a long story.”

“Ah...Well, let me help you get that sunscreen!” Kei follows dumbly behind Yamaguchi as he skips down the third aisle and stops in front of the rows of lotions and creams, biting his lower lip as he searches for sunscreen. He lets out a little “aha!” as he finds the item he was looking for.

“Here you go, Tsukki! I remember this is the brand you always used to use…” He rubs the back of his neck nervously.

“Thanks, Yamaguchi.” Kei accepts the tube of sunscreen labelled, ‘Sports Sunscreen: 100SPF for sensitive skin’. The pair make their way back to the register Yamaguchi rings up the purchase with practiced ease. Kei feels the silence growing stagnant and awkward, and he desperately grasps around the corners of his brain for something to say.  
“So, how have you been?”

“Pretty good, I have my own place now. It’s small but it definitely beats living with my family.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

“Oh, sorry, Tsukki, I didn’t mean-- because you’re here with your parents and I know…”

“It’s fine, Yamaguchi.” Silence once again blankets the pair. Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck again.

“Uh, Tsukki, I know we haven’t really talked in a while, but… I get off of work in a few hours, so do you want to go get dinner together or something, so we can catch up and stuff? Ah, you don't have to if you don’t want--”

“That sounds good, Yamaguchi.” Kei smiles softly and Yamaguchi beams right back at him.

“Do you want to meet at the ramen place at 6?”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

“Great! I’ll see you then, Tsukki!”

Kei grabs his sunscreen and heads towards the door but stops when he hears Yamaguchi clear his throat nervously.

“Um, Tsukki, do you want help...with the sunscreen? I just thought it might be difficult because of your arm.” Yamaguchi looks a bit sheepish as Kei pauses before answering.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Yamaguchi steps out from behind the counter and walks up to Kei, gently taking the tub of sunscreen out of his hands. With Yamaguchi standing so close to him, Kei realizes that his freckled friend had grown since their highschool days and he no longer towers over him quite as much.

Yamaguchi flips open the cap with a clack and squeezes a small amount of white cream onto his fingers. He starts slowly massaging it onto Kei’s right arm, gently rubbing at his skin to spread the sunscreen and softly kneading his flesh with his slim fingers. Kei bristles sweetly underneath his touch and gazes down at his face that’s scrunched with focus, a small bit of his pink tongue peeking out from in between his soft lips. Cute.

Kei feels a familiar warmth in his abdomen, flipping his stomach and bringing back memories from highschool. Memories of late nights in the darkness of his best friends room, of promises to stay by each others’ sides no matter what, of freckles and flushed cheeks, of laughter and light touches, of the softest smiles that felt like home. It brings back the feelings that Kei couldn’t explain back then, and even though he has since found words for them, he would never utter them.

He feels his breath catch in his throat as Yamaguchi looks up at him, a pink flush dusting his cheeks. He finds himself tracing the invisible lines between Yamaguchi’s freckles like he had done so many times before, following a twisty path that ends in Kei’s favorite freckle that rests just below the outer corner of Yamaguchi’s right eye and rises into the crinkle of his eye when he smiles. Yamaguchi pauses and stares at Kei’s face before reaching up and lifting Kei’s glasses from the bridge of his nose to place them on the counter beside him. Even though Kei’s vision is fuzzy without his glasses, he can still imagine all the details of Yamaguchi’s face as it hovers inches from his own, applying sunscreen to his face. His fingers work around the creases of his face, stroking his cheekbones, tickling his temples, tracing the line of his jaw. Kei closes his eyes and revels in the feeling of being there. He didn’t realize how much he had missed his best friend until now, never realized how good it felt to have the rest of the world melt away to leave only him and Yamaguchi. For a split second, Kei forgets how miserable his life is, how miserable he is. He forgets that he’ll eventually have to go home to his parents, about his recent heartbreak, he forgets that he had to leave Akiteru and volleyball because of his own damn stupidity, and he forgets the voice in the back of his head that preys on his vulnerabilities at every twist and turn.

Yamaguchi lets out something that sounds like a contented sigh and focuses on the feeling of Yamaguchi’s hands moving around his head to rub the back of his neck. Kei notices that his friend--well, he didn’t exactly know what they were at the moment, but ‘friend’ felt like a good word-- paid careful attention to not disturb his injured shoulder as he raised his arms above Kei’s shoulders to encircle him and reach the side of his neck that faced away from Yamaguchi. His nimble fingers brush under the collar of Kei’s shirt to ensure that even if the sun slipped through the gap between his shirt and his skin, he wouldn’t get burnt. The sensation sends a chill up Kei’s spine that causes his head and shoulders to inadvertently tremble and shake. He winces at the movement of his injured soft tissues and Yamaguchi immediately pulls his hands back with concern creasing his brow--or at least that’s what Kei imagines his face looks like since he still can’t properly see without his glasses.

“Sorry, Tsukki. Are you okay?”

“It’s fine, Yamaguchi. I just screwed up my shoulder as well.”

“Oh, okay. Well, you should be good, you won’t get sunburnt now.” Yamaguchi picks up Kei’s glasses and replaces them on his face.

“Thanks. I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you, Tsukki!”

Kei takes one last look at Yamaguchi and walks out of the store feeling a bit lighter than before, when that stupid voice comes back.

_**Why are you excited for tonight, Kei? You know you’re only going to screw it up eventually. It’s just a matter of how long. How long will it be before all these good feelings go away? How long until he hates you?** _

_**You know you shouldn’t let this keep going, you don’t deserve him, you’ll never be good enough. So…?** _

_He’s probably better off without me._


	4. the hot garbage pile in which i fucking sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's an update ya filthy animals

Having some time to kill before his dinner with Yamaguchi, Kei meanders his way back home, hoping that his parents are close to being done with moving all of his stuff. 

The first thing that hits him when he walks in the door is the smell. The smell that he used to come home to everyday, a mixture of sandalwood, coffee, and freshly baked bread, the smell that he so desperately wanted to leave behind, yet it still clings to his clothes sometimes. It’s so suffocating that Kei seriously considers walking back out the door and pretending like he never even came back, but he forces himself to take another step inside and slip off his shoes in the entryway. 

He takes a few more steps inside--a few more steps further into the belly of the beast--and he sees the dining table that was, and still is, perpetually cluttered with unread mail and newspapers where they all used to sit as a family for dinner every night. It was important to his mother that they have time together just as a family, even though most nights they would either sit in silence that would strangle Kei until he couldn’t breathe, or their voices would rise and force their way into Kei’s ears as the rest of his family argues heatedly about something so tiny and insignificant that it shouldn’t even warrant a few words. After Akiteru left for college, the silence only got worse, more oppressive. 

His parents would attempt at prompting conversation that Kei would only respond to with a few words--because that was all that was needed. But his parents would keep poking and prodding, thinking he wasn’t talking because he was upset about something and hiding it, when in reality, Kei didn’t really want to talk to his parents about things they only pretended to be interested in and he didn’t particularly care if they were worried about the fact that he didn’t talk. Kei didn’t want to tell them what actually ran through his mind when they asked him what was wrong because he would end up expelling a string of curses about his mother’s lack of empathy and his father’s lack of a spine, and if they couldn’t know what he was actually thinking, then they certainly didn’t deserve to know the intimate details of his life. 

Kei shudders as he moves past the glossy table into the kitchen that is generally tidy, save for the clutter of coffee beans and supplies that his father had grown so fond of. The kitchen where he had sat on the counter after Akiteru and his mother had gotten into a big fight over some trivial matter, which wasn’t wholly unusual, but here his mother stood, only a few feet away, facing his father and saying that she wished Akiteru had never been born and his father laughed. His father had chuckled at his mother’s words in an attempt to diffuse the situation, Kei knew that, but how could he have just laughed after his mother had said that? 

Kei remembers that on this particular occasion, his mother had confined Akiteru to his room until he apologized to her for whatever he did, and Kei had wanted to run to his room and tell him not to apologize, not ever. Even now, Kei doesn’t know if his brother ever found out what his mother had said, or how he would react if he did know.

His childhood home brings back so many memories and it seems to Kei that none of them are good. He wishes that he could forget everything and forgive his mother and father, that they could be a happy family together, that he wouldn’t have to run anymore. 

He quickly makes his way to his bedroom and opens his door, wondering where his parents were since he hadn’t encountered them yet. He finds that his old room is filled with cardboard boxes and a few bags and suitcases, containing all of his belongings from Tokyo. Although Kei didn’t miss the rest of the house, he certainly did miss his bed, he missed the smell of the sheets and the softness of the blankets and the matching stegosaurus plushies that Yamaguchi and Akiteru had both bought for Kei as a thirteenth birthday gift. 

Kei checks his phone and decides he has about an hour before he has to leave. He feels heavy from the day’s adventures and allows his eyelids to droop closed over his chocolate brown eyes and he retreats into the respite of sleep.

***

_An old elevator. His parents and brother. A man he doesn’t know._

_They’re going up to the twelfth floor and the stranger tells them about the ghosts in this building. Kei feels uneasy._

_The elevator gate creaks open and the hallway is gaping and dark. The stranger leads them out into a room and pulls out some equipment. Supposedly, it could detect and protect them from ghosts._

_The lights of the equipment flash brightly and the stranger calls out to the ghosts._

_Kei hears creaking all around him, but no one else seems to notice. He feels danger nearby._

_The stranger continues to communicate with the ghosts. Kei’s family watches in amazement._

_Footsteps sound above their heads. The stranger doesn’t seem worried. Kei starts to sweat._

_Now, the stranger is antagonizing the ghosts, daring them to come out and fight. The footsteps are closer now._

_The stranger looks nervous. He tells Kei and his family to go back._

_Something jumps out from the shadows. It lands on the stranger. He screams._

_The family runs back to the elevator and crams in, closing the gate just in time. The elevator goes down. It’s going too fast. They’re falling. They’re at the mercy of gravity. They plummet down twelve stories._

***

Kei’s eyes shoot open, his breathing is ragged. It was just a dream, just a nightmare. 

He glances at his phone and sees that it’s almost time to leave. He feels his body still trembling from the dream-adrenaline as he shakily stands and tries to even his breathing. 

_It was just a dream, Kei. You’re fine. Just breathe._

**_Yeah, Kei, it was just a dream. You shouldn’t be so worked up over something that’s not even real. Pull yourself together, you big baby._ **

Kei grabs a jacket and goes downstairs to find his parents watching TV in the living room. 

“I’m going to meet a friend for dinner,” he calls out. 

“Where are you going?” his mother answers.

“The ramen place near the supermarket.”

“Who’s the friend?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’m just curious, sweety. I didn’t think you had many friends left here.”

“I’ll be back at some point.”

“Text me so I know you got there okay.”

“Mom, I’m twenty.”

“Just because you’re older doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to know you’re safe. Especially because of what happened with your brother, I need to make sure you’re making good decisions.”

“Have fun, Kei,” his dad chimes.

“I will.” Kei opens the door and walks out into the warm summer evening, eager to get to his destination and forget this wretched house and the dream that haunted him from only minutes before. 


	5. lukewarm herbal mango sweet hibiscus tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo, pls pls be careful reading this chapter if you struggle with disordered eating bc that stuff is in this chapter, and pls take care of yourselves bbs :) onwards!

When Kei arrives at the ramen shop, he finds Yamaguchi already waiting for him in the glowing neon of the restaurant’s signs. He hasn’t noticed him yet and Kei admires the way that his hair falls in controlled chaos, the way that his shirt ripples slightly in the breeze, the way his lips curl up into a warm smile as he looks at his phone. 

**_You see that, Kei? He’s probably smiling at a text someone sent him, probably a text from his girlfriend. You should turn around and go back home because he clearly has better people to be seeing._ **

Kei continues forward despite the sinking feeling in his heart, but it fades just a bit when the soft smile that was directed at Yamaguchi’s phone became a huge grin of pure joy beaming right at Kei. 

“Hi, Tsukki!”

“Hey.” Kei tries to give a smile that’s just half as bright and a greeting that's just half as warm as Yamaguchi’s, but he’s sure that all he’s succeeded in doing is making himself feel inadequate in the sunlight of his best friend. 

Yamaguchi opens the door for Kei and he slips into the small restaurant, feeling the presence of Yamaguchi steady behind him. They walk up to the counter and arbitrarily glances at the menu even though he already knows what he wants. He turns to see Yamaguchi pondering the list of foodstuffs, his face like that of a child, open and filled with wonder.  _ Cute. _

Looking past Yamaguchi, Kei spots a cooler full of colorful sodas that he had given up on drinking long ago because they just made him feel like shit, but that was neither here nor there. Kei became entranced in staring at the clear glass bottles, they reminded him of his youth, of hot summer days with Yamaguchi. They would spend hours running around outside, collecting bugs or attempting to grow plants with the random seeds they found outside. They would bike around town once they got bored with those activities, and they would often find themselves stepping into one of the many air-conditioned marts in town to purchase one of these sodas. Kei would always pick out the kiwi-flavored one that’s lime green in color and pleasantly sweet, and Yamaguchi would pick a different flavor every time until he had sampled all of them, then at some point he had decided that he liked the strawberry one the best and stuck with it ever since.

Kei walks over to the cooler and opens the door, feeling the coolness wash over him, he grabs a strawberry soda and nestles it in his sling, then grabs a kiwi soda and walks back to Yamaguchi’s side. A man is standing behind the counter and Yamaguchi is rattling off his order, a shoyu bowl, less broth, extra pork, no chilis, and a side of edamame.

“What do you want, Tsukki?”

“A bowl of tantanmen, extra spicy. Oh, and these,” Kei sets the two bottles of soda on the counter in front of the man, “strawberry’s still your favorite, right?” Yamaguchi smiles shyly, a light blush covering his freckled cheeks.

“Oh! Y-yeah, I didn’t think you remembered, Tsukki.” The man behind the counter finishes writing down their order. 

“Is that all?” Kei and Yamaguchi nod in unison.

“Are you paying together?”

“Yes,” Yamaguchi answers immediately, and only then does Kei realize that Yamaguchi had already taken out his wallet in preparation as the man tells him that it’s ¥2500. The man takes the money and says a gruff “it’ll be out soon” before heading back towards the kitchen and the pair makes their way to a table. The ramen shop is quiet tonight. It is a Wednesday, but then again it’s summer, so you would expect more people to be eating out, not that Kei doesn’t mind the empty atmosphere that’s fallen over the restaurant. They sit down at a table near the back, facing eachother, and for a second there’s just silence between them. 

“You didn’t have to pay for me,” Kei says, even though he’s secretly happy that he hadn’t been thrown out to wolves if Yamagchi had said “no” instead. 

“I know, but you’re back in town! I wanted to treat you, you know as a ‘welcome home’ gift.” 

_ Why in the world would Yamaguchi want to welcome me back like this after I’ve been such a shitty friend and ignored him for almost a year. _

**_That’s exactly what I’m thinking, Kei._ **

“Thanks, Yamaguchi.”

“Of course, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi pauses, “so, tell me about your arm.”

God, where did he even start? Shoul he start at the breakup? No. He didn’t particularly want Yamaguchi to know that he was gay yet, but he also didn’t want Yamaguchi to know that he had dated anyone incase he thought that Kei had moved on or something, not that they had actually dated or even confessed but Kei felt like it was a bit of a betrayal on his part. So, no, he would start with his brother. 

Kei relayed the whole story, the bar, the swing set, the hospital, the apartment, his parents, and the car ride back that brought him here. He made sure to include all of the things that his mother had said that made his blood boil, and all of the things his father didn’t do to help. When he finally finished, Yamaguchi blinks at him and lets out a little giggle. 

“Oh, Tsukki...I always said you were a stupid drunk.”

“Tch.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!” he says without sounding very sorry at all. “But, really, I’m sorry that this whole mess happened, I know it can’t be easy, especially…” Yamaguchi pauses and considers his next words, “especially because of your parents,” he finishes. 

“Yeah, this is the last place I want to be.” Kei winces at his own words and prays that Yamguchi doesn’t take them the wrong way, doesn’t take them to mean that he doesn’t want to be  _ here _ with Yamaguchi. 

“I know, Tsukki. If-if you ever need to stay at my place, you can just come over. It’s not big or fancy, but it’s cozy, it’s home.” 

“Are you sure?” Yamaguchi looks at him like he had turned into a dinosaur.

“Of course, Tsukki, you’re my best friend, and I know how it is with your parents…”

“But,”  _ I haven’t talked to you in months, I’ve been such a bad friend, I didn’t even tell you I was coming home, I’m not good enough for you,  _ “you might have to take care of me.”

“I don’t mind, plus you stayed with me when I sprained my ankle in 6th grade.”

“That’s different, it was only for two weeks.”

“Still…” Just then the man brings two bowls of ramen over to their table and sets them down. 

“Enjoy,” he says before turning on his heel and disappearing into the kitchen again.

As the man walks away, Yamaguchi grabs his chopsticks and begins chattering about what he’s been up to these past months, his job at Takesawa mart, old school friends that he still talks to, how he’s thinking about adopting a cat from the animal shelter, and Kei is happy to just listen and in fact, he’s quite glad for the change in topic. 

Yamaguchi continues on in his prattling between slurps of ramen, but Kei’s focus is waning. He keeps looking down at his bowl, picking at his noodles and occasionally slurping up a small bite. While his ineptitude at using chopsticks with his right hand did make it much more difficult to eat quickly, Kei still feels disgusted by every bit of food that he swallows no matter how hard he tries to push it away. Every time he puts a few noodles in his mouth, he mentally estimates how many calories each mouthful is and tacks it on to the running total for the day. He recalls what he’s eaten that day, a cup of tea and a mouthful of rice for breakfast: fifty calories, an apple in the first half of the car ride: one hundred calories, a pack of seaweed snacks in the second half: one-hundred-fifty calories, his half-finished soda: one-hundred-fifty calories, and his barely touched bowl of ramen sitting in front of him: six hundred calories in total but he’s probably only eaten a hundred of those. If he just stay under a thousand, it won’t be an issue and he could eat his whole bowl of ramen and still be barely above that, but the more he computes in his head and ponders the contents of his food, the more his appetite leaves and the more he wants to put his chopsticks down and focus only on Yamaguchi’s words. 

Kei tries, he really does, to listen to his friend give the entire plot synopsis of his new favorite anime in excruciating detail while Kei works on shoving food down his throat, but he couldn’t help but feeling utterly devoid of any hunger every time he raised his chopsticks. In the end, Kei ate about a third of his bowl, two hundred calories which keeps him under a thousand, and he gained a unholy amount of knowledge about some skating anime from Yamaguchi. Kei was grateful that Yamaguchi was so chattery that evening and when they get up to leave, he feels a stone of disappointment sinking in his stomach because he doesn’t want the night to be over quite yet, he doesn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts. 

“Yamaguchi, where’s your apartment?”

“Just a little bit that way,” Yamaguchi points at a street that doesn’t quite lead to Kei’s house but it also doesn’t go in the complete opposite direction. 

“I’ll walk you home.” It wasn’t a request or a question, but a statement of what was to come. 

Kei doesn’t have much conversation to offer on their walk, so he asks Yamaguchi to tell him about how much their town has changed since he’s been away. Apparently, the elementary school is getting remodeled, there are rumors that the abandoned department store on the outskirts of town is finally being filled with a new business, although no one knows what it’ll be, and one of the english teachers from Karasuno retired for good. This talk keeps Yamaguchi busy until they reach a section of town that Kei doesn’t recognize. There are more neon signs lining these streets and the scent of smoke is a little bit thicker than before. Kei realizes that this is the conglomeration of bars that he never bothered sparing a glance at and he thinks about how different this town seems in his memories. 

“I’ve never been around here before.”

“Ah, I guess you could call it the red light district of Karasuno, but it’s mostly just bars. The rent’s cheaper over here and it’s still pretty nice, I like it here.” 

“Your apartment’s here?”

“Yeah, we’re only a couple blocks away.”

Kei takes in everything around him as he walks, the people, the music, the cars passing by, and every so often a stranger will look towards Yamaguchi and give a smile or a wave and he’ll send one right back. It’s odd, but Kei can see why Yamaguchi feels so at home here. There’s just something about the energy that envelops him as they walk, it just fits. 

Yamaguchi slows his steps in front of a fairly modern three-story building that appears to be apartments. 

“Well, this is me,” Yamaguchi looks down at his feet. “Do you want to come in?”

“I should go back. My parents are probably wondering where I am.” This is a harsh reality that Kei has to accept. If he went in, he’d probably end up staying past midnight, if not sleeping over, and once he returned home he would be bombarded with questions and reprimands, or worse his mother accusing him of abandoning her. So, as much as he doesn’t want to return home, he also can’t stay here for much longer, there were going to be a lot of questions as is. 

“Oh, yeah. Well, I’ll see you soon, hopefully!”

“Yeah, I’ll see you.”

Yamaguchi takes another second to look at Kei and then he’s retreating towards his building and waving back at Kei just before he slips through the doors. 

Kei makes his way home slowly that night. He stops at a quiet intersection for a few minutes to look up at the stars in the sky. He can’t help but feel that there’s something familiar up there, that one particularly bright star is calling out to him and tickling memories in the recesses of his mind. He traces an invisible path between stars that lead to the brightest one. He smiles up at the sky feeling like that star is looking down on him like a friend from above, and for a second as he continues to walk to his house, he’s happy; he’s not thinking of what horrible things are to come or what tragedies have already come to pass, he’s content tonight as he strolls down the dark streets of his hometown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points to whoever can guess which anime yams was talking about :)


	6. i don't even know what i don't know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry y'all for all the emo but this chapter has hints of self harm/suicidalness so pls take care, love you all <3

When Kei walks through the front door of his house, he sees his parents in the living room where he left them, watching a different show than they were when he left. 

“Hi, honey,” his mom calls out as Kei shuffles into the living room and stands behind the couch.

“Hi.”

“How was your dinner?”

“Good.”

“Who did you go out with?”

“Yamaguchi.”

“Oh.” She pauses. “Well, I’m sure he was happy to see you, but I didn’t expect that you’d still be friends with him since…”

“Since what?”

“Oh, you know, just with all the prancing that he does on stage in that  _ horrible  _ costume. He’s polluting too many young men in this town.”  _ What could she possibly mean by that? Why does she sound so disgusted? _ Kei’s mind is whirling. What did Yamaguchi do to make his mother change her opinions on him so drastically?

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s a performer at a-uh, er,  _ special _ bar downtown. He dresses up like a woman and, well, he caters to the men in this town,” his father supplements.  _ Yamaguchi’s a...drag queen? _

“What your father means is that he confuses and seduces perfectly respectable men and tricks them into ruining their lives. I really wouldn’t hang around him anymore, Kei.” 

Kei feels sick. His mother is making it very clear what her stance is on this matter, which doesn’t help Kei at all as he’s still reeling from the sudden intake of new information about his best friend. How could his best friend have changed so much without him knowing? Why didn’t Yamaguchi mention it at all? 

But then Kei’s mind finds a flicker of good in all this: Yamaguchi likes men. He at least has the ability to reciprocate Kei’s feelings, the way his heart tremors when he smiles, the warmness he feels when Yamaguchi laughs. Maybe,  _ maybe,  _ this isn’t so bad after all.

“Okay, mom,” is what comes out of Kei’s mouth, but in his head he’s saying  _ I’ll just make sure you don’t know about it.  _

His mother nods and his father turns his head to give him a look that’s full of apologies. Kei turns from the flickering TV and heads up the stairs and into his room. 

As soon as he shut the door behind him, he pulled out his phone and opened google. Balancing his phone in his casted left hand, he types out the words  **drag show near me** . He lets google use his current location and google returned the website of a bar called The Kaleidoscope Sun. Kei clicks the link and is brought to a new looking website with a large banner saying  **all are welcome** overlaid onto a pride flag. He scrolls down a bit more and sees a calendar of events that has every Thursday at 8pm marked off as drag night.  _ Hm, that’s in a few days. _ He clicks on the  **details** button and a list of performers pops up in front of him. There’s a queen with blue-black hair and dark makeup called Raven Alure, a queen with long blond hair and bubblegum-esque makeup named Poppy Euphoria, and the star of the show Kiwi Mama--Kei’s breath catches in his throat--that familiar green-brown hair, except it's much longer now, those wonderful freckles and dazzling smile are looking back at him from the webpage.  _ Yamaguchi.  _ He looks graceful and glamorous and he holds the epitome of youth in his hands. Kei’s breath hitches in his throat at the sight of his best friend looking like this.  _ Cute.  _

Kei has the sudden urge to text Yamaguchi, but he turns off his phone instead and looks around his room from his seat on the bed. Kei was never much one for decorating his room, so it seemed a bit barren and lifeless, a bit impersonal save for the few trinkets and framed photos that sat on Kei’s desk. His childhood room is very much like his room in Tokyo, except he’s lived in the former room far longer, but you can’t tell that just by looking at it. 

_ Tokyo. College. Kuroo.  _

It’s been a few days but Kei still isn’t quite used to waking up to an empty bed, with no one next to him. He feels lonely, empty, like the only thing that kept him from sinking beneath the inky water had just let go, and the waters of despair are tossing him against the rocks, slipping into his mouth, filling his lungs, and finally snuffing out the flame of sanity that Kei had kept alive, even if just barely, for so long. 

Kei didn’t have many friends at college. Of course he talked to people on the team and classmates, but he was only truly  _ friends _ with Kuroo. His entire social life revolved around Kuroo, he built his whole world around him, and now that he isn't here, Kei doesn’t have anyone to fall back on, doesn’t have anyone that he could really call his  _ friend, _ even Yamaguchi. 

Kei feels desperate for someone to help him even though he knows he’ll try to avoid it at all costs. He just wants someone to notice what he’s feeling, to see his inner turmoil that’s been a part of his life since before he can even remember. If someone would just notice, it would mean that they care, that he wasn’t completely alone. 

Kei never tried to put on a happy face for anyone but he also never outwardly expressed any emotion at all, and sometimes he felt fake, like a shell of a person, when he walks around wanting to drop dead every single second, and everyone else just assumes that he’s fine. They never see what’s underneath, they never even bother to try and look. But it’s not like Kei would let them help even if they did see, he just wanted people to know that he was broken, he didn’t want to be fixed.

Kei looks towards one of his desk drawers and he can feel the small knife that’s buried deep in there staring right back at him. If he can just leave a mark, maybe people would see, maybe Yamaguchi would see and then...No. Kei shakes himself out of his thoughts. He hasn’t done that in a long time and he’s not planning on starting again now. He can’t because he promised--well, he never promised anyone but he told himself that he should stop for the sake of the people he cared about, because it would be selfish of him to do otherwise. 

Kei looks back at that drawer and sighs. 

There’s a knock at his bedroom door and his father’s voice.

“Kei, do you need help with anything before you go to bed?”

“We need to clean my stitches tonight.” Kei gets up and opens the door to his father in the hallway. “The stuff is in the bathroom.”

They walk down the hall to the bathroom and Kei tries his best to forget about his thoughts from just a few seconds ago. He flips on the light in the bathroom and fishes a small bag of medical supplies out of a drawer. 

“Just take off the bandages and wash around them with a washcloth, then pat them dry and put this ointment and the bandages back on.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

Kei sits on the closed toilet seat, his back facing his father and he wriggles his right arm out of his t-shirt and then moves it to hold his casted arm as his father unties his sling and lifts the shirt over his head. He gently slides it down Kei’s injured arm and then completely off. 

Kei’s shoulder is covered in a few small gauze squares to protect the incision sites from harm. His father takes off the gauze and wets a soapy cloth and starts to gently clean around the stitches. 

“What your mother said earlier, she doesn’t really mean it. She likes Tadashi, he’s a good kid, he’s just very  _ different _ from what your mother is used to, she just doesn’t think he’s made good choices. So, don’t hold it against her, okay?” 

“Mmm.” Kei’s blood boils.  _ Doesn’t think he’s made good choices? Why does she even care? It’s not like it affects her in any way. And how could I not hold it against her, dad? I don’t understand how you don’t feel like I do.  _

Kei’s father is applying the antibiotic ointment to his wounds and gently securing new gauze squares onto his skin. 

“Okay, you should be good to go.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, goodnight, Kei.”

“Night.”

Kei walks back to his room to find the immobilizer the doctor had given him for sleeping or if his injury got any worse. He fumbles with it for a bit before securing his arm in place for the night. 

He picks up his phone from where he had left it off on the bed, and he sees a text notification from Yamaguchi.

**Yamaguchi Tadashi: [image]**

**Yamaguchi Tadashi: im glad youre back, i had fun tonight**

**Yamaguchi Tadashi: goodnight tsukki :)**

Kei smiles at the image of a cartoon dinosaur holding a sign with a big pink heart on it. 

**Me: I had fun, too.**

**Me: Goodnight, Yamaguchi.**

Kei has to stop himself from adding a heart to the end of the second text message. He goes to bed that night and dreams of a small bird that can’t fly nesting in his hair. 


End file.
